Asking for a Friend: Help! My basketball coach praised my teammate, and now I am nervous about my skills
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Dear Friend,
I’m on my school’s reserve basketball team. I am depressed because someone in the same form as me, who has never played before, is also on the reserve team. The coach praised him the other day, and it made me feel like I was not improving. I’m having a tough time deciding whether to stick it out or quit. What should I do?
Signed, Reserved
Dear Reserved,
We understand why you’re feeling this way. It’s natural to compare yourself to others, especially when it is something you care about. So, when you found out that one of your teammates had zero basketball experience, it didn’t make you feel great about being on the same team.
Let’s take a moment to dig deeper into your feelings. How important is basketball to you? Is it just one of the many things you want to do well in, or do you absolutely love it? Usually, the things we’re truly passionate about aren’t easy to come by. If basketball is your thing, it makes sense to stick with it and go as far as you can.
We all try to make sense of what’s happening around us, including what others do or say. When your coach praised a newbie on the team, it’s understandable that you made some discouraging interpretations, like “I must be really bad if my coach is praising a newbie over me.”
Remember that your coach praising your teammate likely has nothing to do with your ability, and there are other ways to interpret the situation:
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The reserve team is made up of players with varying skill levels. Maybe the newbie was just filling up the roster.
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Your coach might be trying harder to encourage the newbie and help them improve.
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Coaches sometimes miss things or overlook talent.
Help! My classmates tease me for being short. What should I do?
If you’re unsure about your skill level, you can always ask your teammates and gather more evidence. However, remember that people’s opinions are subjective. Take the useful comments, ignore the unhelpful ones, and incorporate your own ideas into your journey to improve at the game you love (if that’s the case).
It can be disheartening when you don’t get the recognition or respect you deserve, but basketball, like any other sport, requires mental toughness. You might find it inspiring to read stories of athletes who had to overcome self-doubt and a lack of recognition on their journeys.
If you truly love basketball, all you need to do is focus on improving while having fun along the way. As long as you’re committed to working on your game, people will see it. Keep your head up, and keep playing!
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by James Yu, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at Hang Seng University of Hong Kong.