Asking for a Friend: Help! All my friends are in relationships and I feel bad about being single
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It’s normal to worry about being single, especially when your friends start dating. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
Most of my friends are in relationships and appear much happier than I am. It’s become challenging to connect with them lately, which is understandable. While I’m happy for them, seeing their joy can’t help but make me wonder when it will be my turn. These feelings are starting to take a toll on me. What can I do? (By the way, I’m in high school.)
Signed, Forever Alone
Dear Alone,
As an adolescent, it’s natural to think about romantic relationships.
These connections can be complex whether you are involved or not, as you deal with intense feelings, social interactions and even comments from friends.
Seeing people in relationships while you are single can be tough. You may feel left out or lonely, especially if your friends have less time to hang out.
You may even be jealous, and even doubt yourself. Fears about not being good enough, missing out or even that you have done something wrong can all add up. Being single in this context can feel overwhelming and even unsettling.
This is completely normal.
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Take it easy
If you find yourself in this situation, it is important to be kind and gentle with yourself.
People in romantic relationships often appear to be happy. They may seem completely immersed in the love and attention they receive from a romantic partner and the thrill of being together.
But relationships are not simple. Alongside an emotional connection, they involve communication, conflict management, trust, commitment, physical intimacy and boundaries. They take work and effort.
Enjoy yourself
Relationships are not the only way to find happiness. Everyone is different, and has their own unique path when it comes to finding a romantic partner. Remember that you will meet the person for you when the time is right.
Until then, why not enjoy being single? You have hobbies and interests and can take part in activities you enjoy.
You can also connect and hang out with your other friends who are single, and still spend quality time with those who are in romantic relationships.
It is fine to listen to their experiences and to share how you feel.
Remember, a relationship does not define a person. You are worthy of love and happiness regardless of your relationship status.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
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This question was answered by San Hung, a registered counselling psychologist (HKPS) and secondary school counsellor.