Asking for a Friend: Help! My parents are so strict about my clothes. What should I do?
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a student wondering how to convince their parents to let them wear what they want
Parents don’t always understand why their children want to dress the way they do, but you can have a respectful conversation about the topic. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
My mum is super strict about the clothes I wear, but many of my friends wear the same clothes, and their parents think it’s fine. My mum always comments when I wear crop tops or says they don’t complement my body, and my dad gives me weird looks. How should I talk to them about letting me wear what I like?
Sincerely, Stylish
Dear Stylish,
It seems like you’re dealing with the same problem that teens have had for decades: you want to wear what you want, but your parents won’t let you. Having an open and honest chat with your parents may be beneficial. Here are some suggestions on how to approach the conversation:
Choose an appropriate time
Select a moment when your parents are at ease and available to sit down and talk with you. It’s important to choose a time when they are not preoccupied with other matters and can give you their full attention. Trying to have this conversation when they are busy or exhausted may increase the likelihood of your request being rejected.
Use “I” statements and express your feelings
Instead of using accusatory or blaming language, try using “I” or “I feel” to express your personal feelings and needs. This approach can help you avoid sounding confrontational and allow your parents to understand your perspective more compassionately.
Clearly communicate your desire to have more control over your clothing choices and explain how wearing what you want makes you feel. Share your excitement and explain how much it would mean to you if your parents agreed to your request.
I don’t like that my sister lies to our parents. What should I do?
Prepare your points
Take the time to explain to your parents why the way you dress is important to you. For instance, discuss how it improves your confidence, allows for self-expression, and helps you develop your personal style. By demonstrating the positive impact clothes can have on your personal growth and development, you may be able to convince your parents to change their minds.
Listen to your parents’ perspective
Give your parents the opportunity to express their thoughts and concerns. They may have worries about your safety or concerns about the image associated with different types of clothing. Open dialogue will allow you to address their concerns and find common ground.
Be polite and respectful
Remember to approach your parents with politeness and respect. Even if their opinions differ from yours, refrain from becoming angry or confrontational, and maintain a respectful attitude throughout the conversation.
Remember, the purpose of this conversation is not solely to obtain permission to wear what you want but also to foster a stronger bond within the family by engaging in open, honest, and respectful communication.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.