Asking for a Friend: Help! How can I improve my self-esteem and learn to stop procrastinating?

Signed, Procrastinator

Dear Procrastinator,

We’re sorry you’re feeling so down and that it is impacting your self-esteem. Unfortunately, good grades and great friendships don’t magically appear out of thin air, but there are a few things you can do to try and help yourself and make yourself feel more confident.

Help! I try talking about my problems but everyone says to ‘toughen up’

Procrastination isn’t a character flaw but a way of coping with challenging emotions and negative moods that certain activities can create. People often procrastinate because they feel too overwhelmed by tasks and don’t know where to begin.

Ask yourself: why do you put off studying or making friends? Is it because they seem like massive goals, and you don’t know how to start? Are you afraid of failure? Show yourself some self-compassion; studies have shown that being more compassionate to yourself can decrease psychological stress – a prime factor in procrastination.

Instead of feeling bad, forgive yourself for putting things off – everyone does it! Remind yourself of the positive aspects of tackling the task at hand, and think about times in the past when you did something similar and it turned out fine. Put a positive spin on completing the task rather than thinking about what could go wrong.

Healthy habits set a robust ground for personal growth and promote self-worth. Take good care of yourself to refresh your body and mind. This can boost your self-esteem and confidence. Get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly and do things you enjoy that make you feel good, healthy and positive.

You could even work on these habits while making new friends; for example, if you joined a sports club at school, you could stay active while meeting people you already know you have something in common with.

How can I learn to stop running from my emotions?

Set simple, clear goals and break down your bigger tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. This will make your tasks feel smaller and easier to achieve.

For instance, if you want to improve your English grade, you can start by reading a few chapters of your textbook per night or reviewing a few topics you know you have trouble with. This will feel far less overwhelming than trying to review a large amount of academic stuff all at once, and you will be less likely to procrastinate.

Schedule regular check-ins to track your progress and remind yourself of what you have achieved. For example, you can make a list of all the topics you have trouble with in English and tick them off as you go through them – seeing all those check marks on a list will let you see how much you’ve learned and boost your confidence.

Be kind to yourself if change isn’t happening as quickly as you would like. Success rarely comes straight away! Instead, review your goals and see if you need to change them – maybe you were trying to read three chapters of your textbook per night, but two is more manageable. Don’t be opposed to resetting your goals or getting rid of them entirely if you find they aren’t serving you.

I’m so unmotivated in school and I want to give up. What should I do?

Stay open-minded and humble and don’t be afraid to ask for help – not only could you learn things from other people that help you in your personal growth, but it could also foster connections and help build up your relationships with others.

Becoming the person you want to be is a journey, so be patient and kind to yourself along the way. Celebrate every little success and work towards your goals with happiness, perseverance and determination.

Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend

Check out these resources from YouthCan for more information:

• Becoming the self I appreciate

• How to overcome procrastination?

• Achieving goals without any difficulty

The question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.