Asking for a Friend: Help! How can I make friends when I’m too shy to talk to people?
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a student who wants tips on making pals and starting conversations
It can be hard to make friends as an introvert, but these tips can help! Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I am shy and introverted, and it’s difficult for me to start a conversation or make friends. I haven’t had a close friend in a long time. Do you have any suggestions about how I can change this situation and feel less blue?
Please help, Introvert
My best friend and I have grown apart. What should I do?
Dear Introvert,
It’s normal to be nervous when trying to make new friends, and we’re sorry to hear you’ve been having so much trouble. Here are a few tips that we hope can help you:
Use your hobbies to expand your circle
It is easier to make friends with someone when you already know you share a common interest. Join a sports team, music club, or volunteer. You might feel more comfortable starting a conversation with someone when you already know what you can talk about. As a bonus, participating in these activities can help you develop your potential and talents.
Keep being kind
Kindness is the foundation of relationships. We have no doubt you’re a kind and lovely person – keep it up! This goes a long way toward building connections with other people. Don’t be afraid to offer compliments or wish someone a good day.
You should also practise active listening; who doesn’t want a friend that is a good listener? These days, too many people nod and pretend to pay attention to another person while they’re actually thinking about what they want to say. Try to avoid that. Give your conversation partner your full attention by maintaining eye contact and rephrasing what they say; this shows that you’re listening to them. You can also ask questions, which shows that you care about a person and how they think and feel.
How to make new friends and talk to people
Keep an open mind
Even if you follow all our advice perfectly, it’s unrealistic to expect to make a close friend quickly. We understand that you might be feeling lonely. Try to reframe how you approach the situation: instead of thinking, “I am alone,” change it to “I get to spend some time with myself!” Take a walk in nature, try something new, and think about the qualities you appreciate about yourself. In the meantime, keep a positive mindset, stay open-minded and look to the future.
Sincerely, Friend of a Friend
Check out these links for more info:
YouthCan: Ready … Get set, Go!
The question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.