Asking for a Friend: Help! My best friend and I flirt, but is it for real?

Hi BF,
I can’t say I know for sure what this boy’s intentions are, as you know him better than I do, so you’re really going to have to trust your gut on this.

Let’s look at your options: If you continue to harmlessly flirt, the best thing that happens is that you have fun and improve your communication skills, while the worst is that you miss out on a potential boyfriend.

If you decide you want to take the relationship seriously, the best-case scenario is you have a boyfriend who is also your best friend, and the worst is (as you have said) your friendship changes.

Are you enjoying the flirting because you like the attention or because you really like him? You have to distinguish between those things and decide how you feel before you make a decision. It wouldn’t hurt to get a bit of intel about his feelings too – could you speak to anyone who knows him well?

Ultimately, as you are best friends, you both recognise each other’s good qualities. Have a deep conversation and try to suss out the possibility of dating. I’m sure you’re both slightly confused about how the other feels, so there’s nothing wrong with a bit of honesty to clear the air.
Good luck, Friend of a Friend.

Hi Friend,
I am feeling so exhausted since I finished my exams a week ago. I put in a lot of effort and studied all the time, but my results are still disappointing. I practised all the questions that appeared in the mathematics textbook, but only just passed the test. I spent time reading English books and newspapers, and listened to the English radio, too, but failed the comprehension section.

I’m in Form Three and these results are really important for me to choose my subjects at the end of the academic year. To add to that, after I finished each exam in the morning, I had to immediately go to tuition for the next exam in the afternoon. Until now, I haven’t had time to rest. I wake up at 5.45am and go to bed at midnight every day.

Teachers and parents don’t understand me, they just focus on the result. Even if I work very hard, my results are still poor, and they think I am lazy.

Tears are falling on my keyboard as I type this. When will the nightmare stop, and who will understand my pain?
An Incredibly Anxious Girl

Help! I didn't grow up speaking English and I'm worried about my DSE

Hi Incredibly,
I’m sorry that you’re under such a lot of pressure, your nightmare will end, I promise. This is a short period of time compared to your whole life, even though it’s just hard to see that from where you are now. Also, this is probably the most stressful challenge you’ve ever faced. And look, you’re still standing.

Find out if your school provides counselling services, because it would be really helpful to speak to someone who is neutral. They’d be able to give you some guidance and direction in your academic life, and provide the emotional support you’re not getting right now. They might also help your parents to understand what you’re going through, but only with your permission.

Have you always had trouble with your schoolwork, or is this something new? If it’s new, it might be due to the extra stress of the pandemic.

If it has been this way for a long time, then you need to find out why. You can choose to fix it now, or continue to struggle for years. No brainer, right?

You're not alone if you're feeling super stressed out right now, and you can ask for help.

If you choose to fix the problem, ask your teachers for help. Find out where you are going wrong, and don’t let them go until you understand how to avoid mistakes.

More hours of study will not help if you are exhausted. The Sleep Foundation recommends that teenagers get 8-10 hours of sleep every night, which you definitely are not getting. The lack of sleep, relentless studying and overwhelming stress, is not helping your overall state of mind and ability to learn – better sleep will improve your mood and memory, too.

It must be difficult dealing with all this pressure and not wanting to disappoint your loved ones, but you have to think about what you want out of your school experience.

You can’t change the situation overnight, but don’t let your anxiety paralyse you. You do have a way out, you are not helpless.

Choose electives that you are interested in – passion for learning will motivate you. Remember that you are not lazy, and you are capable of improving, especially if you take care of your physical and mental health!

You’ve got this, so for now, sleep earlier, and try some emotionally relaxing activities like exercising, journaling your feelings and practising meditative breathing to calm your nerves.
I hope you find the support you need, Friend of a Friend

If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please send an email to [email protected] with “Asking for a Friend” in the subject line. Don’t worry, you will remain anonymous!