Asking for a Friend: Help! My parents want me to study abroad, but I’m not ready to leave Hong Kong
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a student wondering how to tell their family they aren’t ready to leave the city
It can be exciting to study in a different country, but very nerve-racking as well. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
Many of my classmates have left Hong Kong recently and my parents are considering sending me abroad as well. But I think I’m too young to leave and most importantly, I want to decide for myself. How can I explain this to my parents?
Sincerely, Staying put
Help! How do I get my parents to stop comparing me to other people?
Dear Staying put,
It sounds like your parents want to send you to study in a different country by yourself. Leaving behind your family, friends, and the city you grew up in is challenging, so we understand why you’re nervous about the idea. Here are a few things we hope can help:
List out your concerns
What is it about leaving Hong Kong that makes you anxious? Why are you so hesitant to leave? Take some time to think through and write down your fears about going abroad, such as managing your daily routine alone, moving to an unfamiliar environment, meeting new people, navigating a language barrier, and leaving your close friends. It will be easier to talk to your parents once you have a clearer idea of your concerns.
Figure out your parents’ point of view
There’s probably a good reason why your parents are considering sending you abroad, considering it’s not cheap and it’s hard to be so far away from your child.
Look at where your parents are coming from; you don’t need to change your mind and blindly accept their decision, but you should think about why they want to send you abroad so you can understand them better. What concerns do they have about you staying in Hong Kong? What advantages do they think studying abroad will bring? Exploring their views in advance will help you prepare for a family discussion. Identifying their concerns will show them how mature you are and how much you understand the weight of the decision.
My parents argue a lot, and it feels like I don’t have a happy family
Be sincere and courteous
Set aside some time to talk to your parents; try to schedule that time in advance so they know it’s coming.
Be patient and open to listening to them – you want them to respect your thoughts and feelings, so you should offer them the same courtesy. It’s very possible your family won’t reach a consensus about whether you should study abroad right away, and that’s fine! There will be more conversations later on. At least now you all know what everyone thinks and, as a bonus, you had a chance to communicate and bond through a good conversation.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
Here are some additional references that may help:
The question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.