Asking for a Friend: Help! My cousin copies everything I do – and does it better
- Each week, we respond to a question from our readers and give advice and resources they can turn to
- This week, we help a student who is sick of their younger relative imitating them
Have you ever had someone copy everything you do? Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this Google Form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
My cousin is a few years younger than me and seems to copy whatever I do, from the subjects I study to my hobbies. The worst part is she’s better than me at everything! I’m quite annoyed at her, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Can you help?
Signed, Copied
Help! How do I get my parents to stop comparing me to other people?
Dear Copied,
We understand why you’re feeling upset: having someone copy everything you do can be frustrating!
Of course, you cannot rule out the possibility that it could just be a coincidence that your cousin is doing the same things as you do – maybe seeing you study certain subjects or take on specific hobbies made her realise she wanted to try them too. It could be that you inspired her to try these new activities!
She might also be imitating you because she admires you; maybe she wants to be more like you, and she’s trying it through your subjects and hobbies.
However, neither of these explanations makes your experience less annoying, especially when you feel like she’s doing better than you. As hard as it is, you first need to stop comparing yourself to her; comparison can lead to negative feelings, anxiety and depression. Instead, focus on your studies and interests without worrying about what your cousin is doing. You could even practise a new skill or pick up a new hobby; this could boost your self-esteem, provide a distraction, and give you something to focus on that’s solely for you.
I wish I had my friend’s supportive parents. How do I deal with my strict family?
Is it possible to reach out to your cousin and try to build common ground? We’re not sure how she acts around you; does brag about being better than you at your shared hobbies? Is she rude to you? If not, you could work on your relationship and try to become closer to her – you can bond over your shared interests! Spending more time with her and building up a friendship could help you feel more secure and less jealous.
We understand why you feel irritated, and it’s good that you have acknowledged your feelings. Take some time to relax and meditate and practise putting your mental health first – this will help you in many areas of your life, not just in dealing with your cousin.
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
The question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.