
Asking for a Friend: Help! My neighbour is loud and might be abusing her children
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Dear Friend,
I am trying to study for tests, but it is difficult because one of my neighbours keeps scolding her children loudly. I know it is not any of my business, but it is very bothersome, and I cannot focus. I am also worried she might be abusing her children because they cry all the time. What should I do?
From, Noise Complaint
Help! My parents are loud and embarrassing in public. How do I tell them gently?
Dear Noise Complaint,
That is a tough situation to find yourself in! Dealing with a neighbour’s loud behaviour and how it affects your focus – and potentially their children – requires a thoughtful approach:
First things first, the noise
Consider using noise-cancelling headphones or even earplugs to minimise the distraction when you are studying. You could also try relocating to a quieter space, such as a library. This could have added benefits, as you might get more done when you dedicate a time and space to preparing for your tests.
Is it time to talk?
If it is safe to do so, calmly discuss the issue with your neighbour. Be polite when you explain how the noise affects your ability to concentrate. Avoid using a confrontational tone or word choice, and focus on finding a solution.
Concerns about abuse
If you suspect child abuse, it is important to find the right support and to do it the right way. Document observations – for example, frequent crying or loud scolding – before you ask a trusted adult to contact the Social Welfare Department’s Family and Child Protective Services units for help. This unit is equipped to assess the situation and intervene if necessary.
Take care of yourself
Practise relaxation techniques to help manage your stress, cope with this challenging situation and maintain focus. Balancing your concern for these children with your own needs is tough, but achievable. Good on you for wanting to do what is best for everyone.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Andrew Stock, a clinical psychologist and partner at Therapy Partners, and president of the Psychotherapy Society of Hong Kong.