Asking for a Friend: Help! I was a troublemaker but I want to reform and make new friends
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It’s not nice to be labelled a bad kid. Here’s how to make new friends and imrove your relationships. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I am considered a “troubled student”. I think my classmates avoid me because of this label and certain things I did in Form One. I hang out by myself during break time and am always alone after school. I am doing my best to change for the better. What can I do to prove myself and also make new friends?
Signed, Reformed Problem Child
Help! I think my classmates would like me more if I was prettier
Dear Reformed,
Good on you for being willing to work on yourself and wanting to make new friends – that’s hard to do. Here are some things to consider that might help:
Start fresh
Recognise that people can and do change – this is true for you and your classmates. It helps to focus on your present behaviour and intentions rather than dwelling on past mistakes.
Put yourself out there
Even if it feels unfair, try not to wait for your classmates to approach you. Take the initiative and start a conversation by:
• Asking about homework or assignments
• Commenting on a shared experience, for example, a tough maths test
• Complimenting someone on their accessories and style
Outside class, you could join a school club, sports team or extracurricular activity where you can meet people with similar interests and show a different side of yourself.
Appear approachable
Keep your body language open and friendly. Things like crossing your arms or wearing headphones during break time can subtly communicate to others that you do not want to speak to them. When talking to others, practise active listening. Show interest in what others say by asking follow-up questions and offering thoughtful responses.
Go slow and steady
Instead of trying to join large groups immediately, focus on connecting with individual classmates. Look for someone who might also be alone and strike up a conversation. Remember, building friendships takes time. Don’t get discouraged if you do not see immediate results. Keep putting yourself in social situations, and a connection will happen.
Seek support
If you are struggling with social anxiety or need additional guidance, consider talking to a mental health professional or trusted adult. They can provide more personalised advice or even help connect you to others.
Making the effort will show your classmates the positive change in you. Remember, everyone can grow and change. Trying to improve yourself is a great first step towards building better relationships. You’ve got this!
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Andrew Stock, a clinical psychologist and partner at TherapyPartners and president of the Psychotherapy Society of Hong Kong.