Asking for a Friend: Help! I think my classmates would like me more if I was prettier
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True beauty’s on the inside, but it’s not great to feel not pretty enough for others. Photo: ShutterstockNeed an answer to a personal question that you’ve never mustered the courage to ask? We’ve been there. Whether it is about school, family issues or social life, share your thoughts with us. If you have a question you’d like answered (about anything at all), please fill out this form. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!
Dear Friend,
I think people in my school judge others based on appearance. Some of my classmates treat one of my friends as if she is a “beauty queen” because they think she is very pretty. They are kinder to her to her than to others. It makes me feel like I am not pretty enough for people to pay attention to me. Why do some people treat others differently based on their looks and what can I do about how I feel?
Signed, Unpretty
Help! My relatives won’t stop asking me personal questions
Dear Unpretty,
School can be tough when you are trying to figure yourself out and where you belong. Often, people are quick to judge based on looks because it is the first thing they see. But it can really suck when they seem to be kinder and more attentive to individuals who appear more put together.
True beauty is on the inside
If your peers receive more attention than you because of their appearance, I imagine it must feel like you are being left out. Remember, your true friends are the ones who stick around after initial interactions. That is because you form stronger relationships after you learn what someone is like on the inside. Qualities such as kindness, generosity, empathy, active listening skills and being supportive are the traits that others are drawn to and stick around for.
Dig deep
Do you want someone to be your friend solely because they think you are attractive? Or would you want them to appreciate all of you? It is normal to envy people who get more attention based on what we can see on a surface level. Remind yourself that it is what is on the inside that really counts.
Quality over quantity
Aim to make deeper connections and tangible relationships instead of looking for crowds to give you attention. You probably have a lot of good qualities that people do not know about yet. Ask a close friend what they appreciate about you and do the same for them. What they have to say could surprise you!
Hope that helps, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by Katie Leung Pui-yan, a practicising child and family therapist and partner at TherapyPartners.