Asking for a Friend: Help! My mum makes me feel bad about my lack of piano progress
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Dear Friend,
I haven’t been making the progress I had hoped for on my piano exam pieces. My mum keeps mentioning this, which discourages me even more. How can I talk to her about how I’m feeling?
Sincerely, Frustrated
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Dear Frustrated,
It makes sense to feel this way, especially when you know you have been putting effort into your piano practice. It’s important to communicate your feelings to your mother. Here is how to approach the conversation with her:
Choose the right time
Identify a moment when you are both calm and free from distractions. This will ensure your conversation is uninterrupted and reduce the likelihood of it escalating into an argument.
Show respect and provide reassurance
Start by acknowledging your mother’s concern and support regarding your improvement. You could say, “I really appreciate that you care about my progress and want me to do well in my piano exam.”
This is a way to show her that you see where she is coming from. It might even make her change her approach.
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Be honest and express your feelings
Use “I feel” statements to articulate, which can prevent your words from sounding accusatory or placing blame on your mother. You could say, “I feel quite frustrated because I have not reached where I wanted to be with my piano. When you mention my lack of progress, it adds to my stress and makes it challenging to remain motivated.”
You can convey to your mother that her remarks are discouraging, while acknowledging this is probably not her intent. Express gratitude for her support and indicate your need for space when talking about the exam.
Practise active listening
Provide your mother with the chance to share her viewpoint as well. It is essential to approach her feelings with understanding and compassion.
Allow her support
Detail the specific ways you want your mother to assist you. She could offer encouragement, give you some space or even help you locate resources. You could even map out small, attainable goals together for your practice sessions.
Your mother probably wants to support you but may not be aware of the impact of her remarks. When you communicate openly and honestly, you will be able to build a more empathetic and understanding relationship with her.
You’ve got this, Friend of a Friend
This question was answered by clinical psychologists from the Department of Health under Shall We Talk, a mental health initiative launched with the Advisory Committee on Mental Health.