Why many Hong Kong youth feel like failures – and how to build resilience instead

The team had been confident in their performance, but in the end, they were “crushed and devastated” when they did not make the quarter finals.

The loss was not easy, but instead of focusing on the failure, the team tried to learn from their mistakes.

“Sometimes, we would underestimate the round when the motion seemed easy to us, and that was our hubris,” Claudia said.

This setback has not weighed too much on Claudia’s sense of self. But for many other young Hongkongers, it can be a struggle to see beyond their failures.

According to a recent survey conducted by the Hong Kong Christian Service, 48.3 per cent of participants – aged 12 to 24 – rated themselves at least a six out of 10 on a failure index. Many of them pointed to academics as the reason for their rating.

For the last few years, the Christian Service has been conducting and studying surveys about failure.

“Especially at the time of the pandemic, it seems like there is no [personal] development because nothing happened at that time,” said Apple Ngo Hoi-ling, service supervisor of the NGO’s Sham Shui Po centre.

“So we would like to explore any blockages for them [in] their career and life.”

The most recent survey showed that 55 per cent of young people felt they were to blame for their failures.

The charity also identified family as another important factor in how students perceive themselves.

“The response from the family actually is the most important for them. A negative response from the parents will [create] a second trauma,” said Ngo, who is in her thirties, adding that for some, the fear of the response from family members and peers could be worse than the failure itself.

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Gigi*, a youth leader at the Christian Service, gave advice about how family members could respond when a student brings up a failure.

“Listening doesn’t mean you cannot give suggestions or guidance, but the very first thing [to do is] listen and you don’t express your own opinion,” the 23-year-old said.

The charity workers pointed to another factor behind the survey results: Hong Kong society’s vigilant focus on success. Thus, failure is often concealed or disregarded.

“The definition of success and failure mainly depends on your academics or income, and less emphasised are other aspects of a person, for example, the character or other talents,” Gigi said.

“There’s a lot of traditional discourse that dominates and also upholds that failure is horrible.”

The Christian Service is embracing failure with a programme called Fail Forward for struggling secondary school students. Launched in 2021, the initiative aims to affirm participants’ self-worth and broaden their approach to life’s challenges.

Gigi joined this programme in its inaugural year because she wanted to try a new extracurricular. At that time, she thought she was “totally” a failure.

“When we were talking about failure openly, we came to find that actually, failure is not that bad,” she said. “It’s not something we have to avoid. There is some value in it.”

This year’s participants had the chance to reframe their challenges with art, featured in an exhibition last month.

“The most important message [from the exhibition] is all failure can be showcased to the public,” said Step Yuen Kiu-yan, who runs the Fail Forward programme.

“[They can] start facing their failures directly and also reveal their failure stories and honestly share with others.”

Gigi’s contribution to the exhibition was a series of colourful banners, each representing a different emotion. Her goal was to guide viewers to be more aware of their emotions and see them in a different light.

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“Failures [can] be mothers of success. Maybe failures can be the mothers of growth, or failures can be mothers of resilience,” said Yuen, who is in her thirties.

In Claudia’s case, she prides herself on her resilience after her loss at the debate tournament.

“I bounced back from this by learning from my mistakes,” she said. “I learned to be flexible and never underestimate any circumstances in a competition.”

She added that even though her debate team was upset at the results, they chose not to dwell on them.

“We comforted each other and reflected on our mistakes instead of wallowing in our sadness,” Claudia said. “This is a lesson that I will take with me to confront other challenges and failures.”

The teen noted that failure should not be the end of the road but rather a part of the journey.

“We will never be perfect in our attempts to succeed and making mistakes is inevitable,” she said.

*Full name withheld at interviewee’s request.

• Stop and think: Many youth in Hong Kong see themselves as failures. What are TWO factors behind this?

• Why this story matters: Resilience in the face of failure is a key skill to develop if we want to achieve our goals. This requires having a supportive environment in which the definition of success is not just about career or income.