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Kylie Knott

It is hard to picture Sonia Samtani as a painfully shy teenager with self-esteem so low that she was too scared to speak up, even when ordering a meal at a restaurant.
For years, Hong Kong-born Samtani felt she was inadequate: at home her sibling was more important, while at school her peers were.
“At school, there were not many Indians and I knew that my family was different, my culture was different, my upbringing was different. I remember thinking, ‘Oh, if only I had white skin and blue eyes, I’d be happier,’” Samtani recalls.
“Everyone around me seemed more confident and articulate, and there was something stopping me from feeling that way. I was unconsciously looking for a better coping mechanism.”
I’m avoiding something, so what is that? A fear of failure? Not feeling good enough?
Sonia Samtani on procrastination
She changed her looks and behaviour before realising that it was her beliefs that needed modifying.
Upon reflection, she realised a belief of hers was that it was better to be “invisible”.

“When you’ve come from a place where it’s better not to be seen or heard, then even ordering a meal is difficult, even speaking up for yourself is difficult, because it counteracts that conclusion – and that was basically my ‘inner protector’.”
That part of us surfaces to shield us from feeling vulnerable, and then triggers fight-or- flight mode, says Samtani, a counsellor. Hers was flight.
During her university studies in Wales, in the United Kingdom, with the help of a lot of self-coaching, Samtani began to address her deep-seated fears.
The 42-year-old has come a long way from her teenage years. She is, among other things, a clinical hypnotherapist, a life coach, an author and a two-time TEDx speaker.

She is also the founder of All About You, a wellness centre in Hong Kong’s Sheung Wan district. It is a spiritual oasis, with crystals sparkling on shelves and an image of Buddha lighting up a back wall.
The centre takes a scientifically backed, spiritually supported approach to therapy. It offers everything from stress management and digital detoxes to training in manifestation, mindfulness and conscious parenting.
On May 29, Samtani will host a workshop on procrastination, a coping mechanism often linked to the fear of failure or being overwhelmed, she says.
When a responsibility or task sets off negative emotions and you are unable to process them, then putting it off can provide instant relief.
Samtani’s approach to this involves understanding and addressing the reasons behind those emotions, using techniques such as regression therapy that helps individuals explore past experiences, traumas or memories that may be influencing their current behaviour.

It often involves hypnotherapy.
“The deep thing to do is to understand what you’re avoiding and that’s what I’m going to cover in the workshop,” says Samtani.
“I’m avoiding something, so what is that? A fear of failure? Not feeling good enough? Is it the [feeling of being overwhelmed]?
“We’re avoiding a vulnerable part of us, and to combat it, it’s understanding that vulnerable part of us and healing it through regression therapy, through making friends with your inner child, through giving love to that inner child – by releasing the trauma of the past.”
The misconception surrounding procrastination is that it is about productivity. In fact it is a way for our mind to deal with a task it associates with being unsafe or feeling inadequate or which produces the feeling of being overwhelmed.

To protect ourselves, the amygdala – an area in the brain responsible for emotional processing – is activated. Then we distract ourselves by doing something else.
For most people, procrastinating is not just sitting down and doing nothing. It is writing that overdue email or cleaning the cupboards or calling their mother.
“You do all the stuff on your to-do list that you’ve avoided, except for what you should be doing.”
The logic, she says, is choosing something that is uncomfortable enough to give you a dopamine hit when finished, but not giving you the same feeling of being unsafe.
Her job is to dig deep to find out why someone feels unsafe.

Understanding and addressing the underlying fears and beliefs that drive procrastination is vital, she says. Practical strategies, such as breaking tasks into smaller steps and showing up for the task, even for a few minutes, can help break the cycle.
“Procrastination is either fear of failure or [being overwhelmed], and if it’s fear of failure, then it’s about accepting that part of you that has failed in the past and that could fail in the future – because failure is a part of life which we can’t avoid.
“If it’s about [being overwhelmed], then it’s breaking it down into the smallest step that you could take, which could be five minutes, and allowing yourself to create that as the goal.”
These are two ways to end procrastination, Samtani says. Learn more at her workshop, entry to which costs HK$350 (US$45) a head.
Mastering Procrastination for Busy Women, May 29, 6.30pm, The Women’s Lounge, 4/F, Hollywood Commercial House, 3-5 Old Bailey Street, Central, Hong Kong.
Like what you read? Follow SCMP Lifestyle on Facebook, X and Instagram. You can also sign up for our eNewsletter here.


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Health & Wellness

Health

Procrastination is a coping mechanism to avoid a task we’re uncomfortable with. Hong Kong life coach Sonia Samtani shows ways to overcome it


Procrastination is a coping mechanism to avoid a task we’re uncomfortable with. Hong Kong life coach Sonia Samtani shows ways to overcome it.
