How Japanese wabi-sabi philosophy can help teens de-stress, accept their flaws, find self-love
- Psychologist says this way of thinking can help you deal with pressure and be more accepting of your mistakes
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Even though this bowl has cracks, it is held together by gold, and it is appreciated for its uniqueness, says psychologist Charlotte Wong. Photo: ShutterstockIt can be overwhelming to be a student in Hong Kong, where doing well in school can feel like the only thing that matters. Charlotte Wong, a counselling psychologist, tells Young Post how a Japanese philosophy called wabi-sabi can help us deal with pressure and be more accepting of our mistakes.
Wabi-sabi teaches us to find beauty in imperfection and accept things as they are, even with their flaws.
“A visual representation of wabi-sabi is a rustic open bowl made with ceramic, with signs of tarnishing, stains and even cracks, held together by gold,” said Wong, who has a private counselling practice in Hong Kong.
“Despite defying the definition of perfection, the bowl is still appreciated for its uniqueness.”
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According to the psychologist, this is exactly how teenagers should see themselves: “The city’s education system emphasises extrinsic values such as status and financial success. They often promote a single path to success, leading to anxiety-inducing perfectionism.”
This mindset can lead teens to believe that the most important goal is to make a lot of money in their future careers, and the pressure can make them feel like they are always falling short. This can result in anxiety, stress, and even depression. They may also lose interest in things that they care about, such as hobbies, relationships and personal growth.
“At times like this, it can be helpful to ... accept themselves as a work in progress and to explore the big question of ‘who am I?’” Wong said.
How to practise wabi-sabi
For teenagers, there are three main ways to practise wabi-sabi: understand impermanence, find the beauty in everyday things, and appreciate nature.
Impermanence is the idea that nothing lasts forever. This concept can help us deal with our emotions: fear, joy, anger and sadness come and go.
“There’s a season to everything. Spring blossoms are celebrated, as are falling leaves in autumn. Similarly, the nature of emotions is transient, and there is no need to get hung up on them,” Wong said.
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For those who feel anxious that they are not doing well enough at school, seeing the beauty in everyday things can help them accept themselves without judgment. For example, try paying attention to small moments of kindness or beauty around you.
This can mean helping an elderly person onto the bus or taking time to savour the food you eat. This intentional search for beauty can help you see beyond the flaws you’re currently fixated on.
When we spend time in nature, we use our senses to experience the world around us and focus on the present moment. After all, trees and flowers have flaws but are still considered beautiful.
Wong noted that handicrafts, such as clay pottery and upcycling workshops, could also help you focus on the present and be more appreciative of mistakes that are a natural part of the learning process.
According to Wong, many Hong Kong teenagers are taught that flaws are shameful and need to be fixed.
“[But] wabi-sabi asks us: what if we can see beauty even in our flaws, accept that we have made mistakes because we tried, and find value in the mistakes [we] made?” the psychologist said.
“By accepting themselves for who they are, they also learn to let go of anxieties about the future.”
Arrive at self-acceptance
If parents and teachers constantly criticise teenagers, they will struggle to accept themselves, and it could leave them feeling like they are never enough.
“The emotional scarring from being criticised is just like shattered pieces of a broken bowl that can permanently affect their long-term well-being,” the psychologist explained.
Wong added that self-acceptance was not bailan or “letting it rot”. This trending topic in China describes how young people give up because it feels useless to keep trying in an endlessly competitive society.
“[It’s] quite the opposite – finding beauty in things and accepting them, including flaws, means embracing brokenness, creating a unique identity, celebrating multiple paths to success, and building the resilience to overcome future challenges,” Wong said.
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The psychologist encouraged parents to appreciate teens’ strengths and focus on qualities outside academics, such as curiosity and perseverance.
For teens, she stressed focusing on what you enjoy, not comparing yourself with others, as well as celebrating all achievements, big and small.
“Wabi-sabi opens up a space for teenagers to experiment ... without worrying about not fitting in, parental expectations or cultural pressure,” Wong said.
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