How a trans social worker found community and acceptance in Hong Kong

I first realised there was something strange on my body when I was three years old in kindergarten. I wondered why I wasn’t wearing the same uniform as the girls and why I went to a different toilet. Did that mean I wasn’t a girl? I was too young to understand gender, so the thought just hung there as a question. I lived in Sha Tin with my parents, grandma and brother, who is five years older. My dad worked as a safety manager at construction sites and my mother was a cleaner at a fashion store.

Bad days

Growing up, I thought my male genitals, which I hated, were a tail which would drop off. When I realised that wasn’t going to happen and I would grow up a male, I felt hopeless. I hated school, and my test results dropped. I was bullied by a teacher, and my parents were disappointed in me. I didn’t know how to express emotions except anger and my friendships were a disaster. Half my schoolmates disliked me and even the teens at my church badmouthed me behind my back. It wasn’t bullying, it was all because of my bad personality.

Lost friend

I met a girl in my class who went to the same church as me. We spent many hours together after school and became best friends. I was confused about my feelings towards my friend. Did I want to be her boyfriend? I couldn’t imagine that, but I became possessive of her. It finally broke our relationship. I had lost my only best friend, but my fixation on her lasted.

Finding myself

When I was 16, I found two terms – “transgender” and “gender identity disorder” (now called gender dysphoria). I realised I wasn’t alone, but I didn’t want to see myself as trans because I knew the path would be difficult and my parents wouldn’t support me.

I knew I was attracted to females and wanted a girlfriend. Two years after I broke up with my best friend, a teacher noticed I was depressed. She helped me release my fixation on the girl and breakaway from my stubborn mindset. I discovered cosplay and made lots of friends. The girl noticed the change in me and we became friends again. I choose the name Sakura because it sounds similar to her name and would remind me not to be like that again. In my last year of high school, the teacher who had supported me told me if she hadn’t become a teacher, she’d have been a social worker. I decided to become a social worker and did a two-year degree in social work.

Japanese dream

I am a big fan of Japanese culture. In 2007, when I was 26, I spent a year in Tokyo studying Japanese. There are a lot of gender clinics in Tokyo and I got counselling there. In 2008, I went to a university in Osaka to study psychology, which was my dream. At university, I met my first girlfriend. I told her I am trans and she was OK with it, so we started a relationship and I promised to be a good boyfriend and husband. But ultimately, she wanted me to be more masculine. After four years our relationship ended badly, and I got major depressive disorder. I finished my master’s degree in Japan, which qualified me as a certified public psychologist (equivalent to clinical psychologist).

The new me

When I came back to Hong Kong I was in a very dark place and attempted suicide. I failed, so then the question was how was I going to live? I knew I had to address my gender dysphoria and asked a trans friend how to get treatment. As a cosplayer I’d learned about dressing up and putting on make-up, so I wasn’t starting from zero. My cosplay friends helped me buy women’s clothes and accompanied me the first few times to use a female toilet. They accepted the new me and gave me great support both emotionally and practically.

Caring community

I got speech therapy at Gender Empowerment, an NGO, which helped me get a more feminine voice. In 2016, Kaspar (Wan), the founder of Gender Empowerment, hired me as part-time admin staff. He discovered I’m good at supporting the community as a social worker with my clinical psychology skills and let me work as a peer social worker. I help our freelance social worker, who is cis, to arrange counselling, hold support groups, do intakes and discuss case details. I give lectures about transgender to universities, NGOs, corporations and government departments.

Getting accepted

My family was opposed to me living as a woman. My mother was worried about my job opportunities and intimate relationships, and my father couldn’t accept that I would undergo surgery. My brother asked if I could stay as a man and dress as a woman in my leisure time. I knew my explanations would not change their mind, so I lived as a woman for two years to show them it is OK. When they saw I had started my career and had friends, they agreed not to oppose my surgery. In 2017, I underwent my “bottom surgery” (gender-affirming surgery). I speak to my family every day and our relationship is better than when I was young.

The wrong idea

There is a common misconception that transgender people change their body because of their sexual orientation. For example, that people born male and who are attracted to men become women so they can find partners more easily. That is not the case. There’s also a misconception that if teenagers are informed about the diversity of gender, they may want to be transgender. I have seen many cases of people stuck at the start of transition, mostly because of difficulties with their family or work. My message is to love yourself.

If you have suicidal thoughts or know someone who is experiencing them, help is available. In Hong Kong, you can dial 18111 for the government-run Mental Health Support Hotline. You can also call +852 2896 0000 for The Samaritans or +852 2382 0000 for Suicide Prevention Services.