In caring for Dad, I found a deeper appreciation for filial piety
Despite the caregiving challenges, there’s a beauty in accepting filial piety is not a choice but a necessity: roles and responsibilities are clear
For some time, my sister and I have found ourselves inhabiting new roles in our family. When my father retired a few years ago and his health started to deteriorate, the landscape of our relationship shifted.
Our father was our superhero, lack of cape notwithstanding. He was fiercely independent, gracious with his guidance and advice, as well as a pioneer in his own right – the first among his siblings to leave Hong Kong and study abroad, and the first to be a tenured professor. Abruptly, however, our roles as children have changed.
My sister and I now find ourselves in the role of carers. While my father and his wife wrestled with a new reality, my sister and I have established a new norm as a tag team, making arrangements for Dad’s medical appointments, transport and meal deliveries. I’ve shopped for groceries and arranged recreational activities at the local senior centre for him, including bingo.
In my quiet moments, I struggled with this role that I feel I should play, in a hierarchy where the roles now seemed blurred. My new role did not feel comfortable; at times, it felt like an obligation.