EdTalk | Good parenting: how to set ground rules for your children and create a stable, secure environment

Today’s hectic, high-pressure environment makes growing up more of a challenge than ever but establishing sensible ground rules can make the challenges of adolescence less daunting.

The advent of new technologies, different approaches in parenting and more competitive education environments are all contributing to new challenges for children as they grow up. It’s a complex mix for youngsters who find themselves with more power but potentially fewer coping skills, and less time to devote to important developmental work.

With our current reliance on electronic screens, children have near constant access to distraction. Any time they experience an uncomfortable feeling such as boredom, loneliness, worry or sadness, they can grab a tablet, smartphone or computer – and then escape. They aren't the only ones doing this; adults have started avoiding these common discomforts as well.

Negative emotions are a part of life. Children need to learn to cope with them without a psychological buffer to dull the pain. If we only model escape when a problem arises, rather than acceptance and action, we will never teach our children how to be resilient.

Screens are also replacing the face-to-face interaction that children used to have more often through play. As a result, children's communication and social skills are suffering. Research shows that children have less developed language skills for their age than in past years; they have trouble listening and maintaining focus in face-to-face interactions; and are also lagging in common age-appropriate social skills such as taking turns, negotiating and taking the perspective of others.

All these skills are developed over time and through repeated experience, with a large part involving interaction with parents. Multitasking is a common parental misstep, such as talking to a child while simultaneously paying attention to a phone call. While it may seem like part of any busy day, it teaches children that they do not have to give their full attention to something.

Active listening and full attention are needed to create connections with other people, and to build positive relationships. These seemingly simple interactions build rapport, trust, establish common ground and bind people together. We need to ensure our youngsters are capable of having conversations in real life so they can find acceptance and belonging as they grow beyond the safe boundaries of family.