Art Basel has become an event where the clueless gather just for the socialising and Champagne

My boyfriend just excitedly told me he has just scored passes to the city's biggest party this month. In the past, that would unquestionably have meant the rugby sevens every March. For some reason the tournament this year is in April. The big bash he is talking about is Art Basel, which used to be in May but not any more. Timing aside, the agenda is a surprise to me.

Let me be clear, my sweetie in his Savile Row suits looks like a cultured educated gentleman, but in reality he knows nothing about modern art. He's not a collector, he doesn't understand art, and the only works framed and displayed on his wall are football posters and Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. He might appear to be grown-up, but he's still just a lad.

Once, he did own a famous work of art in his parents' basement. But that was in velvet and it featured dogs and playing cards.