Opinion | When my ugly husband lost face in bathroom beauty product raid
- Hoping to improve his looks, the writer’s husband sneaks into the bathroom to copy her facial skincare routine
- To her delight, he tries one of her facial scrubs that tears his skin off
It’s day four of our staycation and in an effort to feel less fat and ugly, Daddy has decided that he only has two options:
1. To stop eating confectionery, go back on the weights, go running, cut down on calories, and drink three litres of diet water a day.
2. To fake a Zoom conference, lock himself in the bathroom for an hour, and steal some of my beauty creams and potions.
So, once the bathroom door is securely locked, Daddy sits on the toilet, finishes off his cupcake, sneaks over to the mirror cabinet on my side of the sink and does his best to noiselessly open it with the concentration of a bomb disposal expert. A bottle of TCP falls out and smashes on the bathroom floor, immediately alerting me to his subterfuge. I creep to the other side of the bathroom door, just in time to hear Daddy wince as he steps barefoot on a shard of broken glass. He limps back to the cabinet.
There before him twinkle 1,000 bottles and 1,000 promises. Daddy is under no illusion there are also several hundred grotesque exaggerations, and a couple of outright lies. Daddy just needs to find something that will make his complexion look less like a bucket of smashed crabs.