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Luisa Tam

The old cliché “age is just a number” recently regained some significance after an award-winning French author said he was incapable of loving a woman aged 50 or older.
His comment unsurprisingly infuriated women of all ages across the globe.
Yann Moix, 50 himself, said that women in their fifties are “invisible” to him as he prefers younger women’s bodies.
I do not intend to give Moix any more column space as he does not deserve further attention from the majority of us who value womanhood and treat all genders equally and respectfully in all aspects of life.
Married eight years and still a virgin? Why we all need sex
I must reiterate that the adage “age is just a number” still holds true because you are as old as you feel. What is important is to be confident in oneself, as it affects how we behave in general and connects to our sexuality. Being sexually confident is one of the most attractive personality traits, and it applies to everyone.
When we are young, being sexy is more of an external behaviour. It is about being more showy because sexiness tends to be drawn from one’s appearance, and perhaps even their dress sense. As we get older, sexiness becomes an inner force that makes us glow from within and lets our true sexuality shine through. Having sexual confidence transcends age and beauty, at least in the conventional sense.
When one is confident during sex, age becomes less of an issue. But, of course, this kind of confidence does not come easily. Some people seem to have it naturally, while others might need to nurture it through experience or by follow a tried-and-tested approach.

To build sexual confidence, you must first understand yourself from the inside out, which includes your physique, mentality and emotional maturity.
Being sexually confident can also mean that you are both a pleaser and one that receives pleasure in the bedroom. It allows you to take control of your sex life because you are confident enough to use your power to change and improve things for both of you.
It is also about speaking up and communicating with your partner openly and honestly, because your pleasure is just as important as that of your partner. But remember to avoid being judgmental when you are discussing sexual issues, as some topics may be highly sensitive and divisive. That means accepting that some suggestions, and perhaps unexpected criticisms, are part of the deal. And hopefully you can come up with solutions that are acceptable to both.

One way to build sexual confidence is to be totally confident with yourself, and you can do that by learning to accept both your good and “bad” points.
When I was working in Amsterdam, I had a flatmate who would walk around the apartment naked. She did not have a perfect figure in a conventional sense, but she was so confident that she did not care what other people thought of her body. I really admired her because she felt totally comfortable in her own skin, so to speak, and that is the basis that supports self-confidence.
By boosting your confidence in various aspects of life … the more likely that augmented confidence will spill into your private life and into the bedroom
I am not suggesting everybody should walk around naked to boost their self-confidence. We should all be positive about who we are on the inside and the outside. We need to be our own biggest fan and cheerleader, because if we do not believe in ourselves, how can we expect others to do the same?
I suggest stripping yourself bare – both literally and figuratively – and taking a long hard look at your naked self. Appreciate your very being in its entirety. I promise you, the more you look and admire yourself, the more positive things you will uncover.
By boosting your confidence in various aspects of life such as work and play, the more likely that augmented confidence will spill into your private life and into the bedroom. But remember not to run your bedroom business like you do your work one; it might come across as being too bossy and overpowering, and hence off-putting.
Being your own biggest fan means you first have to appreciate and love yourself, no matter what. There are bound to be people who do not want to go, or are incapable of going, beyond superficial beauty. But there’s certainly no love lost there.
How to navigate the forbidden sexual tension in a friendship
Being a good lover has no age limit; like a fine wine, the experience gets better with age. The rule of thumb is no matter what you do, enthusiasm is key. And if you throw experience into the mix, you will be unbeatable and desired by many.
Luisa Tam is a senior editor at the Post


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Sex and relationships

How to build sexual confidence and take control of your sex life

As we get older, sexiness becomes an inner force that makes us glow from within and lets our true sexuality shine through, says Luisa Tam. Photo: Alamy

KRP5FG Junge Frau sitzt vor einem Spiegel und blickt hinein - woman with mirror

M24EMA Young Woman Looking At Herself In The Mirror And Pinching Her Stomach Fat

Why your core erotic blueprint is key to a better sex life and relationships

“Kinky” is one of the five types of core erotic blueprint used to class people, which also include energetic, sensual, sexual, and shape-shifter (i.e. adventurous). Photo: Shutterstock

Nathalie Sommer is a relationship and intimacy coach. Photo: handout

Erotic sex.


CREDIT: Shutterstock

Couple getting it on.

Shutterstock

Lifestyle

Family & Relationships

Opinion

Comment

Hong Kong

World

Being sexually confident is one of the most attractive personality traits, but building it is not easy
It starts with stripping yourself bare – both literally and figuratively – and learning how to be your own biggest fan


Being sexually confident is one of the most attractive personality traits, but building it is not easy. It starts with stripping yourself bare – both literally and figuratively – and learning how to be your own biggest fan.


Sex and love in China

Expresses the views, ideas and conclusions of the author. (Eg. Enough of Crazy Rich Asians, think of crazy poor Hongkongers.)


Column

The Naked Truth

The Naked Truth | How to build sexual confidence and take control of your sex life

Being sexually confident is one of the most attractive personality traits, but building it is not easy It starts with stripping yourself bare – both literally and figuratively – and learning how to be your own biggest fan

Being sexually confident is one of the most attractive personality traits, but building it is not easy

It starts with stripping yourself bare – both literally and figuratively – and learning how to be your own biggest fan