Take the stress out of Christmas gatherings by using common sense

Until last year, Christmas was a favourite holiday for Sally Jones (not her real name). From decorating the tree to baking with her children, and tucking into festive fare, there wasn't a part of the celebration she didn't enjoy.

But despite her careful planning last year, she wound up with Christmas lunch on the table and no one to enjoy it, as the family had scattered, either yelling or in tears.

"We rented a spectacular house in the Cotswolds and invited my husband's family to spend the holidays with us. This included his parents, his sister and her children. I never had a particularly close relationship with his family but I always thought we got on fairly well," she says.

The trouble began on Christmas Eve, when Sally's complaints that her mother-in-law was critical of her children and interfering with meal plans were overheard. It intensified the next morning when the pair squabbled over whether they had prepared enough parsnips.

"She started screaming at me: it was always 'my way', I was 'selfish', 'unkind', 'a bad wife'. The children came in and started crying and begging us to stop yelling. It ended when she picked up the Christmas pudding, still in its porcelain basin, and hurled it across the room at me. The whole scene was just dreadful. A year on, we still don't speak."

Family feuds during the holidays are not uncommon. A survey of 2,000 households by British newspaper The Telegraph estimates the average family will have at least five arguments tomorrow, the first will start by 10.30am. Battle two should be under way by lunchtime, most likely a rehash of an old squabble. In another sobering statistic, about 45 per cent of respondents said fights between parents were likely to be fuelled by excessive alcohol consumption.