"No offence, mum, but I need to let you know that you are not dressed appropriately for a trip to the IFC Mall," Ilya hissed at me in hushed tones. She even spoke in Hindi so that no one else would understand the level of her embarrassment.
My 14-year-old daughter is now criticising me about the way I dress? Is this what life has come to? It usually happens the other way around. I have always reserved the right to point out that her outfit is mismatched, or that her hair needs to be less hooligan-like if she is to be seen in the outside world. But until last year, my words meant nothing to her.
When she reached 13, Ilya began to compensate for her slovenly dress sense by slathering her nails with a wide variety of attention-grabbing colours. Any expression of my disgust only led to her using deeper, darker colours to make a more "Goth-like" persona.
But this year, after she went to summer school, everything changed. Ilya's public image is no longer a statement of her free will, but rather of her conformist view of society. I don't know what she did for those five weeks, but now she wants to look picture perfect at all times, and her opinions have become very clear.
For many years, whenever Ilya said something, it would always be followed by a standard question - "Right, mum?" Many mothers might be flattered at the thought of their children having their parents sign off on their thought processes, but to me it was a cause for concern.
As a fiercely independent person who believes in the importance of nurturing "free spirit", it worried me that Ilya needed me to endorse every thought. When would she be able to trust in her own ideas? And when would she develop her own voice?
In June, I sent this girl who cared about little more than the last episode of to summer school. She returned a fiercely independent young lady with a strong opinion about the ethical impact of honour killings in India and Pakistan, and religious expression. She began to question our family values - religious, cultural, educational, social - and form opinions about her place in society.
