I remember very well our first year of married life. Helena was pregnant soon after our honeymoon. As first-time parents, we were nervous and panicky. I bought a large coffee-table tome on pregnancy, birth and baby care. The illustrations of the developing fetus in the womb over the 40 weeks were fascinating, but childbirth in the labour room looked scary. We both studied the volume diligently.
The obstetrician also gave valuable advice. We booked a place in the hospital ward, went for regular check-ups and visited the baby sections of the old-style department stores, which were still popular. We bought baby clothes, bottles for milk, toys, bedding, the list went on. There was no precise gender prediction in those days and the guessing game was thrilling.
I tried my best to be a caring and tender husband, just as Helena tried to be a conscientious expectant mother. But the big book said pregnant women were prone to violent mood swings from elation to depression. Throughout the pregnancy we found ourselves experiencing ups and downs - one moment excited, the next full of trepidation.
Looking back at my own childhood, my parents missed most of their schooling during the war, so I did not have much of a family education to speak of and was very much left to fend for myself. My parents ran a grocery store together, working from 7am to 11pm seven days a week, with my grandmother looking after us children at home.
Helena and I wanted to give our child the best upbringing. But we simply did not know where to start with our planning. How many children did we want? Would an only child be too lonely and easily spoiled? Could we ignore the traditional Chinese family expectation of a male heir, and settle with one girl if that happened? What if a second child turned out to be a girl as well?
We thought of what to name our children. Sun brother and moon sister: Phoebus if it was a boy, and Phoebe if a girl. There were so many things we needed to sort out - what school we would send our child to, hiring a domestic helper if we both wanted to continue working, where the child would be baptised, where we would move to from our studio flat. But of one thing I was certain - I would let our child have all that I had missed as a boy owing to the hard times then when my parents could spare neither the time nor the cash: music lessons, bicycle rides, swimming lessons, art lessons...
