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Ashlyn Chak

In Confucian philosophy, li, or “propriety”, is an ethical principle that emphasises politeness and manners as a means to cultivate social harmony and moral virtue.
The importance of good behaviour also extends to the dinner table, as the ancient Chinese considered the communal act of breaking bread as an expression of social bonding.
Although eating customs have evolved over time and through cultural shifts, some aspects of Chinese dining etiquette have remained the same. For many Chinese people around the world, who were scolded in their youth for bad table manners, these customs are embedded in their muscle memory.
Take note of the following pieces of dining etiquette before your next extended family gathering.
1. Easy kneeling

Tea and other drinks should be served to others before helping oneself and, when being served, instead of saying “thank you”, the receiver can tap two fingers on the table to signify deference.
This gesture is said to have come about during the Qing dynasty (1644-1912), when the tea-loving Emperor Qianlong poured a cup of tea for one of his servants while they were in disguise as commoners in public.
The servant felt compelled to kneel to express his gratitude to the emperor for the gesture, but doing so would have exposed the emperor’s royal status. Instead, the servant improvised by tapping two bent fingers on the table to mimic a small figure kneeling.
These days, the kneeling fingers are used most often when a person is being poured tea by someone older or more senior, although a simple verbal “thank you” suffices too.
2. Children go last

In some cultures, children get first pick of the food at shared family meals. When Chinese people get together, hierarchy is king and unspoken rules are its subordinates.
The oldest person, or whoever holds the most senior position in the group, must be the first to hei faai – to “pick up the chopsticks” – and signal it is time to hoi faan, or “open rice”, to start a meal.
In some settings, the youngest may be expected to take on the duty of filling the rice bowls for everyone else.
The first servings, especially of delicacies, go to the most senior, who is also the first to get up at the end of the meal before other guests can respectfully do so.
The rule of thumb here is: do not do anything until you see other people doing it.
3. Upright chopsticks

The Chinese are a superstitious bunch, and the number-one taboo when it comes to chopsticks is that they should never be stuck upright in a bowl of rice.
This resembles incense sticks, meant as an offering for the gods or one’s ancestors and used in funeral rituals and praying ceremonies. It is seen as feeding or inviting the dead to the table.
When not in use, chopsticks should always rest across or by the side of your bowl or plate, or on chopstick rests when provided.
Pointing them at other guests at the table is also rude, as is banging chopsticks on tableware, as that is how beggars attract attention.
4. Considerate eating
Most dishes are shared at Chinese tables, so every move is watched closely.
After offering others the chance to take their food first, it is polite to, for a specific plate, choose pieces of food closer to you and leave the best parts for others. Reaching across the plate for a choice cut further away is generally frowned upon.

When the plates are on a lazy Susan, one should spin it gently and slowly, and ensure the newest dish goes to the eldest at the table first. Never attempt to move the turntable when someone else is in the middle of transferring food to their bowl.
The last portion of food should be offered to others and not taken for yourself. Often, you will see a Chinese table full of plates with one or two pieces left. In more casual situations, it may be acceptable to ask those at the table if everyone is OK with you taking the last piece.
Ultimately, it is about being demure, modest and mindful of those you are sharing the meal with.
5. Same same but different
Just as slurping ramen in Japanese culture is seen as a way of paying respect to the chef, making loud sounds when eating is generally considered acceptable in Chinese culture.
However, some rules are universal, such as no talking with a full mouth, taking small bites rather than inhaling your food, chewing with a closed mouth, taking care of any spills or messes, and no spitting out inedible pieces directly onto surfaces.
6. Shy teeth

In Chinese culture, as in most cultures around the world, it is frowned upon to pick one’s teeth openly.
That is not to say the Chinese do not use toothpicks in the dining room – many Chinese restaurants offer them on the table, as post-meal teeth picking is something of a cultural habit, especially in more casual settings.
The important thing to keep in mind is to do so discreetly, using a hand or a napkin to cover your mouth while foraging.
7. Bill snatchers
Some cultures have a reputation for splitting a bill to the very last cent. In Chinese culture, paying the bill is considered an honour and an act of generosity and kindness.
It is not uncommon to see Chinese aunties and uncles fighting over bills at the end of family meals. In some instances, people will even sneakily leave the table mid-meal to pay ahead of time. In this case, blindsiding your peers is often celebrated.
Implicitly, paying for the entire table suggests that the payer is wealthier and has more means to contribute financially than their present company, and can therefore be a way to assert dominance.
8. Phone eats first
Another universal rule for modern times – the camera always eats first. How else would your friends know how well you have been eating?


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Although Chinese eating customs have evolved over time and through cultural shifts, some aspects have remained the same, such as the oldest or most senior person starting a meal and where you put your chopsticks. Photo: Shutterstock

It is seen as an honour to have one’s tea poured by an elder or senior person. Photo: Nora Tam

People enjoy their lunch at a restaurant at The One in Tsim Sha Tsui. Photo: Sam Tsang

Upright chopsticks in a bowl of rice resemble the incense sticks used in funeral rituals. Photo: Shutterstock

Do not move a lazy Susan to position a dish closer to yourself if someone is already in the middle of picking something. Photo: Shutterstock

When picking your teeth at the table, do so discreetly – and with a toothpick, not your fingers. Photo: Shutterstock

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Lifestyle

Chinese culture

Food & Drink

Chinese table manners and traditions emphasise sharing and politeness and can be complicated. Here are the most important rules


Chinese table manners and traditions emphasise sharing and politeness and can be complicated. Here are the most important rules.


Chinese dining etiquette dos and don’ts, from who eats first to chopstick manners and more

.css-1c6uqr6{color:inherit;font-weight:inherit;font-size:inherit;font-family:inherit;line-height:inherit;overflow-wrap:break-word;}Chinese table manners and traditions emphasise sharing and politeness and can be complicated. Here are the most important rules

Chinese table manners and traditions emphasise sharing and politeness and can be complicated. Here are the most important rules