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Phoebe Zhang

In one of the most brutal murders disclosed by the Shenzhen legal authorities last year, 19-year-old Xiaomin lost her life over just 55,000 yuan (US$7,600). She was stabbed to death by her ex-fiancé Ah Jin in a dispute involving the Chinese custom of a betrothal gift, or “bride price”.
The two were engaged and Ah Jin paid Xiaomin’s mother the money, promising to get married once Xiaomin reached the legal marrying age of 20. But, after spending time with each other’s families, the young couple started bickering and soon broke up.
Ah Jin asked for the money back, but was turned down. Infuriated, he bought a knife and confronted Xiaomin at work.
It is not the first time conflict has arisen over the caili, a sum of money paid by the groom-to-be to the bride’s family to secure the marriage. In fact, there has been so much controversy and so many disputes over this tradition that the Supreme Court recently issued guidelines on future rulings, to be implemented from February 1.
The guidelines make clear that asking for money or property in the name of marriage is forbidden. In general, in cases where the two parties were married but got divorced, caili should not be given back, but it is more likely to be returned if the couple were just engaged and living together.
It also included a list of what’s not considered caili, such as birthday presents.

Prior to the court guidelines, the Chinese government had repeatedly taken aim at exorbitant bride prices, to keep marriages affordable, especially as the country is facing a rapid population decline.
Last year, local governments across China cracked down on what they called “ugly marriage traditions”. One city had kicked off a campaign to look for “the most beautiful mother-in-law” who didn’t ask for too much money, and another had single women sign a letter promising not to marry for money.
But these measures mainly target the women. Furthermore, since the root of the problem was created by the government, it’s unfair to pressure women and their families to put a stop to it.
The origin of caili can be traced to China’s one-child policy. Under the policy, many families aborted girls in their preference to have sons. When the time comes for them to get married, there is a huge surplus of men, especially in rural areas. In a January report, the National Bureau of Statistics said that, by the end of 2023, there were 30 million more men than women, with a gender ratio of 104.49 males per 100 females.
Reluctance to marry, have kids continued in 2022 amid China’s population woes
The gender imbalance means the bride’s family can ask for higher prices, often tens of thousands of yuan. According to a 2021 survey from the Securities Times, the national average amount of caili was 69,000 yuan in 2020, over twice the annual income of 32,200 yuan. A few provinces even went over 100,000 yuan, with Zhejiang in the lead at 183,000 yuan.
Well-educated families today increasingly snub the custom. In the cities, the bride price is more likely to be seen as a remnant of patriarchy, in which women are regarded as property to be “sold” to another family. In public opinion, women are labelled “greedy” for demanding caili. But when money-related conflicts arise, they are also the party that is more likely to lose out.


Some people argue that women should see caili as a way to fight for financial security: if marriage is unfair to women, why not ask for more money to compensate for their loss?
This argument overlooks the fact that the money usually does not go to the woman. With or without a bride price, the woman has no power over who she marries, and after marriage is expected to perform the “wifely duties” of taking care of the household and having children.
Already, Chinese women are not guaranteed their basic rights. Last month, Zhou Xiaoyu, a woman in Zhejiang, lost a lawsuit against her village for her rightful claim of land, just because she’s married. The village elders saw her as part of her husband’s family, and voted against giving her compensation for the land in the village, even though she had never moved out.
In marriage, it’s also difficult for women to have children take their last name, receive help with childcare, or even receive their rightful share in a divorce.
Unless these gender inequalities are addressed, any superficial gesture to stop caili in the hope of encouraging marriage only scratches the surface.
Phoebe Zhang is a society reporter with the Post


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China society

Blaming China’s women for high ‘bride prices’ is not how to promote marriage

China’s gender imbalance, a legacy of its one-child policy, has encouraged families with daughters to demand an increasingly high caili, or betrothal gift, from their prospective in-laws. Photo: Shutterstock

A young couple in Yushu, Jilin province, get married in December 2009. Traditionally in China, it is customary for the groom-to-be to give a sum of money to the bride’s family to secure the marriage. Photo: Getty Images

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Two women divorcees in China have decided to shun men by living together, sharing childcare duties and domestic chores while living under the same roof. Photo: SCMP composite/Douyin

Both single mothers went through painful divorces, but now they are living and loving life to the full together. Photo: Douyin

The women say they are content with their life together, but their lifestyle choice has divided opinion online. Photo: Douyin

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A man in China who became exasperated because family of his wife-to-be kept upping the bride price ahead of their wedding, left his girlfriend and spent the money he had already saved on travel to 40 cities. Photo: SCMP composite/Shutterstock/Baidu

Guo became fed up with the constant demands for more betrothal money and decided to go on his travels alone instead of getting married. Photo: Baidu

After visiting more than 40 cities, Guo’s hunger for travel has begun to wane, and now he says he wants to go home. Photo: Baidu

‘Uterus made of iron’: woman in China sued over betrothal gift after abortion and found to have done same thing with 6 other men

A court in China has ordered a woman to return most of a betrothal gift she was given after she was revealed to be a serial terminator of babies produced from a string of sham marriages. Photo: SCMP composite/Shutterstock

The husband who sued the woman over the betrothal gift presented evidence in court that she had done the same thing to six other men. Photo: Shutterstock

A bride price in China can be made up of money, jewellery and an assortment of other valuable items. Photo: Shutterstock Images

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Mainland social media observers have been left stunned by a video of a man who sent his betrothal gift of US$1.4 million in cash and gold bars to a ceremony in an armoured car. Photo: SCMP composite/Jiupai News

The “bride price” gift arrives at the pre-wedding ceremony amid tight security. Photo: Jiupai News

Once unpacked, the full extravagance of the betrothal gift was there for all to see. Photo: Jiupai News

‘Our love is not worth US$53,000?’: man breaks up with girlfriend of 8 years after parents seek high bride price for ‘pretty’ daughter

A gender imbalance created by China’s previous one-child policy has created a generation with far more men than women and caused bride prices to soar in recent years. Photo: SCMP composite

Many couples find themselves caught between their families regarding bride prices as the amounts have risen amid growing inequality and cost of living pressures in China. Photo: Shutterstock

Despite a government crackdown on the custom, bride prices remain common in China and are rising. Photo: Shutterstock

Opinion

News

China

People & Culture

If Beijing really wants to encourage marriage, rather than putting pressure on women and their families to stop this admittedly problematic custom, it should address the gender inequalities that make marriage unattractive to women


If Beijing really wants encourage marriage, rather than putting pressure on women and their family to stop this admittedly problematic custom, it should address the gender inequalities that make marriage unattractive to women.


Women and gender

5050

Gender

Lunar

Sex and relationships

Feminism

Expresses the views, ideas and conclusions of the author. (Eg. Enough of Crazy Rich Asians, think of crazy poor Hongkongers.)
