How Asian parents’ definition of ‘success’ just adds to mental health stresses
Jason Hung says pressure from Asian parents to go to a good university and get a well-paying job is exacerbated for those living with mental health issues, who often define success very differently – such as by having normal, healthy interactions with others
In early March, I was elated when I secured two offers from University College London for graduate studies. The joy and excitement prompted me to share the news with my mum. However, her instant response was: “Why are they not Oxbridge offers?”
Indeed, I often attribute my nine-year psychiatric history to stressful, unsympathetic Asian parenting styles. And this would seem to be confirmed by a recent talk with Dr May Lam, a specialist in psychiatry and co-chair of the Butterfly Programme at Variety Children’s Charity of Hong Kong.
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Within Hong Kong Chinese families, she said, many parents of children with mental health disorders “define their children’s success as no longer taking medication, no longer seeing doctors, getting good jobs, earning money and setting up their families”.
An Asian friend with a seven-year psychiatric history, who has an offer from Oxford University, also encountered demanding parental expectations in her early years, with her parents requiring her to obtain “the most intellectual and competitive” degrees.
Asian parents are often concerned about how much glory, pride and money their children can bring home, by studying at a “big name” university and earning substantial sums later on. Yet, these parents overlook or forget that success can come in many forms.
My friend insists that being happy is now all she wants, regardless of whether she will be an Oxford alumni one day. While echoing that happiness is a major indicator of “success”, I believe that being healthy – mentally, socially or otherwise – should be my lifelong goal.
