The ink crowd

IN THE HISTORY OF TATTOOS this will go down as the Age of Ubiquity, the time when ink was no longer confined to the weathered forearms of ex-cons or the pale torsos of bass guitarists, but appeared on the glowing and well-nourished skins of the middle class. There's Derrick from derivatives, harbouring a tribal swirl beneath his Thomas Pink shirt. There's Markus from marketing, nonchalantly unveiling a lower-back dragon as he disrobes on the company junk boat.

Perhaps a college passion is frozen in time on your upper arm, or maybe a tequila-fuelled night on Lockhart Road has bequeathed to your left buttock the logo of your favourite football team. To you gentlemen, I commend the expertise of laser surgeons. To others, especially those browsing parlour windows and tattoo magazines, I offer crucial advice: research, research, research.

If a tattoo is artfully executed it becomes an adornment to any man, and an aura-bestowing statement of style over prudence. If. But mistakes are legion, so keep some key principles in mind.

If it's visible when you're fully attired, you won't get that second interview. Tattoos above the neckline are for psychopaths and the bi-polar. Tattoos on the hand are best sported by pallid winos or roadies in nu-metal bands. Choose a body part that would be covered by a T-shirt: the ankle or upper thigh are too feminine, but a subtle piece on the back of the calf shows a certain dash.