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Charlotte Parsons

Have you ever read a legal text book and been overwhelmed by the urge to burst out and sing those sub-sections?

Neither have we. But yesterday a bunch of civil servants lived that fantasy.

Twenty-one representatives from two bureaus and 10 government departments converged on City Hall to compete in the final round of the Basic Law Singing Contest championship.

A clutter of notables officiated, including the Secretary for the Civil Service and the Director of Broadcasting.

To mark this glorious marriage of legislation and the arts, Lai See  offers up a couple of her own lyrical legal efforts.

The Basic law is really great,

Unless you've earned the Government's hate

It gives Hong Kong a legal code,

Just don't try claiming right of abode

It gives you rights to make you free,

If they don't breach Article 23

Our courts are free and they are king,

Until they're overruled by Beijing.

So love this law and sing its song,

Unless you're a member of the Falun Gong.

Catchy, isn't it?

Our next one is dedicated to our would-be migrants from north of the border. It's called 'Tainted Law' (sung to the tune of 'Tainted Love').

Sometimes I feel I've got to run away

Off to Bei-jing today,

From the bane your kind bring along with you,

The law we share,

Seems to go nowhere

And you've lost your right

Cause I'm tossing you out of Hong Kong tonight.

Frothy pricing: We hear there's more trouble brewing at the Rugby Sevens.

Conflict surrounds the price imposed on that most sacred of liquids - beer. This year marks the dawn of a new era in ale sales. In a break with Foster's tradition, Heineken is to be served in its stead. And we're told it's going to cost you. Lai See  spies tell us a steep price hike is in the offing.

But don't start pointing blame-fingers union-ward, because we're told the rugby people had nothing to do with it.

Apparently the exclusive contract for that beer rests with Holiday Inn Golden Mile. And let's face it, they can get away with a price rise. As one money man put it: 'There's an inelastic demand curve'.

That's banker-speak for 'the price has no bearing on how much beer they can sell'.

We're told the union people are less than impressed, but the hotel people are being, um, inelastic about demands for a drop.

For some reason, neither hotel nor union reps called back to tell Auntie Lai See  all about it.

But our spies tell us there has even been talk of putting a disclaimer in the Sevens programme saying that the union isn't responsible for beer prices.

We hear lager-loving denizens of the infamous south stand had threatened to retaliate by throwing lager through the air, hurling themselves on to the pitch, ripping off their shirts and attacking a large inflatable doll.

But then they suddenly remembered that they already did that last year.

Cupful of work: Reader Malcolm Bell has been eyeing up a Mast Industries (Far East) wanted ad. No, not because he plans to enter the rag trade.

But he does think one of those jobs sounds mighty tempting.

'Doubtless countless red-blooded males will be applying for this plum position,' he told Lai See. 'With a job description like that, who needs fringe benefits?'

The firms is seeking a 'Bra Fit Manager, with solid experiences in bras and panties desirable'.

Graphic: whee21gbz



Laying down the law on basic lyrics