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Masha Borak

This article originally appeared on ABACUS
With the shopping season right at our door, Abacus is spending its days rummaging through Chinese ecommerce platforms to bring you the gadgets you didn’t know you wanted.

Some of these gizmos are in fact genius, some are cute, some are useless, and some are just downright weird. Check out the oddest things we could find on Taobao below!
(Abacus is a unit of the South China Morning Post, which is owned by Alibaba -- which also owns Taobao.)
1. This glove equipped with Bluetooth
Sometimes you just want to get a bit weird, right? Just me? Whatever, this Christmas, you can drop your Bluetooth handset for something that looks a little more eccentric.
This unique glove holds a tiny speaker in your thumb and a wee microphone in your pinky, allowing you to walk around and scare your neighbors with your invisible phone. (The glove is connected to your phone via Bluetooth.)


Bonus gift: If you want to look a little more sane, you can opt for this Bluetooth-equipped winter cap or headband. We're not sure why would you chose to do that, but you can.
Or you can just get the glove, which costs just US$5.80.
2. This oversized Enter button
What is it for? We don't know. Do we want it? YES, WE DO.
Apparently, this enormous fully functional enter button was made for office stress relief. We can imagine how using it could be fun.


“Dear Amy,“ (PUNCH)
“Not sure if you saw my last email. “ (PUNCH)
“Per our conversation, the new order requires confirmation. Any update on this?“ (PUNCH)
“FYI the deadline is tomorrow.“ (PUNCH PUNCH)
“Sorry for the double email. Please advise.“ (PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH)
Get yours for US$3.90.

3. This tiny, tiny phone
This miniature phone -- which was apparently made to target Hobbits -- is smaller than a cigarette lighter. (Kids, before Juul, people actually had to light up with actual fire. No, really.)
But it comes with a surprise. On the other side of those tiny buttons made for baby fingers, there is a headset that looks grotesquely large but it’s actually normal sized.
The thumb-sized phone can be connected to a regular smartphone via Bluetooth, and also has a SIM card slot like a normal, uh, “adult” phone. In fact, it was likely not made for Lilliputians but for those that want to use two SIM cards at once... but do not want to buy another full sized phone.

Get it for US$12.30.
4. This baby hypnotizing contraption
Sometimes you just want to chill in front of your phone... with your baby?

We're sure that many exhausted parents have considered buying this phone stand to get some much needed quiet time from their little ones. However, most experts agree that toddlers should spend limited time in front of the screen, so it might be best that you save it for yourself.
Or... share it with a partner! Bear in mind, though, that you'll have to squeeze together pretty close in front of that small screen… which might lead to even more babies.
It’ll cost you just US$4. (And possibly a lifetime of regret.)

5. These screen viewing goggles
These glasses may not be stylish, but they definitely belong in the genius basket. Essentially, they have mirrors, enabling you to see your mobile phone screen or computer screen while lying flat on your bed. This means you can watch your favorite TV show or movie while saving your neck from cramping and your eyes from that nasty screen glare. Mind. Blown.

But we couldn't help but notice one slight issue with these goggles: You need to be lying perfectly horizontally flat and not moving at all to really see through them.
So you’d have to either be sleeping or dead to use them properly. But if you were, you probably wouldn’t be watching a film.
Still, it’s only US$9.40.
6. This exercise faker
You know perfectly well that once the New Year kicks in, everyone will be rushing to the gym and updating their social media with fitness tracker results. And that’s not to mention posting all those pics in sweaty gym clothes accompanied by cheesy inspirational quotes.

Now you can always be one step ahead (GET IT?) with this walking simulator, which shakes your smartphone to ramp up the step count on your apps. This genius device was designed to fool the step counter on China's most popular social app WeChat, which came very much in handy when one Chinese company decided to dock workers' pay for not exercising enough.

Fake your fitness for only US$3.75.
7. This screen magnifying glass
Another entry that makes you think “why hasn’t this been done before”, this simple but effective screen magnifier will definitely come in handy if you visit your family for Christmas and forget to pack your computer.

We admit that the quality of the video will likely deteriorate once you place the smartphone behind the magnifying glass. But we're sure your grandma will appreciate it.

Available for US$8 only.
8. This phone handle for your phone
If your question is “But why?“ let me explain that this product first came out in 2008, the advent of hipsterdom when everyone was trying to show how unique and edgy they are. And for your die-hard non-conformist uncle that's still sporting his French handlebar mustache and skinny jeans (it's 2018!), this piece is a jewel.

Get it for US$7.30.
9. This cooling device for your smartphone
We're not sure if this is an actual device people use or a way to signal your family members that someone has a gaming addiction. In any case, this little device is supposed to keep your smartphone nice and cool while you play mobile games.

China has been known to favor mobile gaming since its famous console ban, and Taobao is mobile gaming heaven. There are buttons you can attach to your screen and triggers you can install on top of your smartphone to keep those thumbs from getting sore. China has also become known for its game addiction boot camps. Keep that in mind if you’re thinking “damn I want one of these.”

Keep your hands cool for US$14.40.
10. These drone floats
Tired of getting your drones lost in the sea? We are too. No, seriously, we are – Abacus managed to lose one in the sea. And another one disappeared near the sea. Anyway, that’s why we are definitely excited about these drone floats.


We're still waiting for the fun version of the floats, though, we're hoping we might see them emblazoned with SpongeBob SquarePants or some other cartoon character.
Get it for only US$12.30.
11. A myriad of phone accessories
OK, we know that smartphone accessories are not exactly a very original gift. But there are so many options out there that we just had to list them here.
This phone ring comes with an engagement ring to let people know who's the true love of your life – your phone, of course.


This case has “I like money very much” written over it, a slogan we could all stand behind.


And this one actually comes in the shape of a Nokia 3310 – the one phone we will never get over.


For more insights into China tech, sign up for our tech newsletters, subscribe to our Inside China Tech podcast, and download the comprehensive 2019 China Internet Report. Also roam China Tech City, an award-winning interactive digital map at our sister site Abacus.



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Gadgets

Eleven weird gadgets from China that you need this Christmas 

An entire keyboard like this would be madness… but fun madness, right? (Picture: Taobao)

These glasses could be the perfect lazy person hack but even the laziest among us need to move a little bit sometimes (Picture: Taobao)

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING #newyearnewyou (Picture: Taobao)

It’s like a phone for your phone. (Picture: Taobao)

LOOK UPON MY GAZE AND WITNESS THE INFINITE VOID. (Picture: Taobao)

Baby is ready for its first swim. (Picture: Taobao)

I love you too, phone! (Picture: Taobao)

Remember in the early 2000s when people talking on Bluetooth headsets looked stupid? 2018 says: Hold my beer. (Picture: Taobao)

We like money very much too, but not enough to buy this case. (Picture: Taobao)

“I’m tired of holding a device that can access the sum of humanity’s knowledge and connect me to any other person on Earth, take me back to the days of typing out SMS messages on a numeric keypad!” (Picture: Taobao)

When I grow up, I want to be an iPhone. (Picture: Taobao)

Abacus

Tech

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Looking for the perfect Christmas gift on the cheap? We got you covered.


This story came out at Christmas, but many of the gizmos we found are still available on Taobao. Know anyone who might want a US$12 miniature dumb phone that’s smaller than a cigarette lighter? How about a pair of goggles that let you watch a movie on your phone while lying in bed?
